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"Assertiveness every day. How to live in harmony with yourself and others "

"Assertiveness every day. How to live in harmony with yourself and others "

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This is not just a book about refusing. Agnieszka Wróbel's guide goes far beyond the simplified understanding of assertiveness. It is a compendium of knowledge about the ability to reconcile with one's own emotions, acceptance of one's own limitations and possibilities, and a valuable signpost teaching how to accept praise, criticism and how to raise children so that as a consequence of our actions we can give the world a self-confident young person not afraid to express his opinion .

Learn to get angry

From an early age, anger is often seen as negative feelingthat should be suppressed and not externalized. Fearing its effects, we also don't allow children to do it. As a consequence, it takes extreme forms, most often it raises frustration and already truly disturbing aggression - whether directed outside towards other people, or inside - towards yourself, taking away the joy of life, by constantly blaming yourself, complaining, feeling senseless, or even mutilating.

Meanwhile, Agnieszka Wróbel, a teacher and psychotherapist, emphasizes that the most important are accepting your own emotions and allowing them. When we give ourselves the right to feel them, all of a sudden they become smaller and easier to handle. In addition, Agnieszka Wróbel, the author of the guide, also emphasizes something else, namely that anger is essentially neutral. This should be received. This is just her pupation - among other things, aggression can raise doubts and our violent opposition. Therefore, it is important not so much to "kill" anger, but to learn how to manifest it and how to deal with it.

Emotional blackmail and manipulation

A form of aggression, a way of exerting influence, i.e. an action that is intended to force a certain person on another person, is emotional blackmail and manipulation. In this topic, the author of the book also opens our eyes wide.

Agnieszka Wróbel emphasizes that they are already manipulating small children (several-year-olds) who, by shouting or crying, try to force adults to behave. Over time, children also use other strategies, refuse, for example, food, i.e. do exactly what they know that it will affect their parents in a specific way, in other words: they hit a weak point and when this strategy turns out to be effective, they reach for it so often as they need it.

With time, blackmail takes other forms. The author includes: offending, threatening to simply break contact, praising when we adapt and rushing, when we act differently than expected from us, etc. Interestingly, Agnieszka Wróbel names all these forms directly, leaving no doubt. This is aggression, but hidden aggression.

Why are deadlines so important?

When we realize that "quiet days", denying us contact, exclusion from us emotionally is really aggression directed towards us and giving us a clear signal "you have to do as I want", it will be easier to cut off from such behavior and do it what the author recommends: say "it's not my problem, is the problem of the person who reacts in this way. She is aggressive. " Without guilt, without the need for explanation and remorse.

What instead of insulting?

We are afraid of our own feelings. That is why anger changes our mental constructions and behavior patterns. Teaches us to reach for reactions remembered in our childhood. Until we realize this, we remain their slaves.

What remains instead of all the forms of aggression discussed in detail by the author? And in this case we also get clear directions. Agnieszka Wróbel teaches you how to speak your own opinion so as not to violate the boundaries of the other person. However, this is not all, it also gives us consent to what many of us do not give ourselves the chance: "to break contact" when other methods fail. Escape, he explains, is a natural defensive response that we have developed as a human species for thousands of years. If there are no other options, it may be a relief to use it. And there is no point closing in on her.

Is it worth it

Once again, I am pleasantly surprised by the guide from the Samo Sedno series. If someone had told me before reading that from this book I would learn how to be assertive and find strength to face people in whose company I do not feel comfortable, I would not believe. However, the truth is that Agnieszka Wróbel's guide adds strength, makes us aware of something that we know intuitively, but we are often afraid to trust it. Namely, that our inhibition in a particular company usually has a reason and that it is worth listening to yourself in this respect.

For many, this guide can help you to love yourself again as someone who deserves respect. Give the right to be imperfect, to have your own opinion, respect your own boundaries, stop before we give someone valuable advice, before we do the second person. It will probably also become a retrospective in childhood and once again prove that how we were brought up has a significant impact on our adult attitudes and decisions. Reading this book, you can find the strength to be a good enough parent and start to pay attention to the fact that sometimes instead of sacrifice, it is better to start thinking about yourself, which will allow us to protect ourselves from life burnout and, consequently, make the whole family happy . By saving her and cementing her bonds.

Thank you to the Edgard publishing house for sharing a copy of the review book.