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The most obedient child may be the most unhappy child. It may seem exaggerated, but it is not. It all depends on the type of obedience. If the child is disciplined and submissive for fear of retaliation, he will not be happy. If instead the child obeys out of respect for others, he may be the happiest child in the world.
The fear of punishment offers two aspects: one good and the other bad. Or perhaps the two bad ones, although in the eyes of the grown-ups one of them seems, in principle, good.
- The child who learns to obey the limits for fear of punishment and willingly follows the rules to obtain a reward, deep down he is not a free child.
- Learn to obey people who threaten youbut it will stop doing it to people who don't.
- In the end, he won't be a happy boy, because he will live in fear and will not dare to test, investigate and of course, he will never try to 'break the rules'.
- You will learn that in the world there are 'oppressors' and 'oppressed'. And that in any case it is better to be oppressive.
However, the child who learns to obey with respect will learn:
- To comply with the rules everywhere, because you will understand that just as your parents deserve your respect, so do teachers and other people.
- And he will also show himself as a curious child, excited and eager to try new challenges.
Do you know why there are children who behave so well at home and at school suddenly turn into little 'savages'? Because They learned that threat and fear reign at home and at school. They are free there. School becomes a perfect place to express all the anger and frustration that they keep inside.
Or it may be the case that very obedient children at home (out of fear) are withdrawn and fearful children. And with problems of self-esteem and handling of emotions. The cause, and you know it.
Words are not carried away by the wind. Forget that popular saying that comes in handy for other things. In education, words are important, very important. Also the tone that is used when speaking and of course, the volume.
- For a child to respect us, it is not necessary to shout. I have always understood the scream as a slap. As an offense. As an attempt at imposition. Of course, don't humiliate him either (much less, in public).
- Explain the why of the rules. Even if he is small, you must tell him why he must respect certain limits.
- Use the sandwich technique if you want me to change a behavior. This is: first highlight something good that he is doing, then explain what you need him to change and why and end by thanking him again for something you want to highlight from him.
- Measure the words and tone when you address him with. It is not the same to say to a child: 'Be still, you do nothing but bother' ... to say: 'Please, can you stop for a moment, that I am very tired and need to rest?
- Offer responsibilities. If the child feels useful and responsible at home, he will tend to assume and respect rules and limits much better.
You can read more articles similar to Why the most obedient children can be the most unhappy, in the category Limits - Discipline on site.