The absent mother syndrome

The absent mother syndrome

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Since we are born, attachment is essential for the emotional development of the child. This affective bond is the one that the child establishes with a small number of people in whom it seeks proximity and contact, being an innate mechanism in the child of seeking to feel safe.

Traditionally the strongest attachment figure is that of the mother. The emotional bond that occurs between mother and child is very fast, taking place immediately after delivery. This connection must be taken as a relationship in which the care that the child receives during the early stages from the mother will promote the progressive learning of autonomous behaviors from an appropriate emotional point of view. In addition to the mother, the affective bond can occur with the father, direct relatives, and even with people close to the child as educators, etc.

The existence of various attachment figures favors an adaptive environment that is more suitable for the correct affective development of the child than the exclusive dual mother-child relationship. This way we will avoid problems in case the mother is “absent”.

Endless hours at work, financial circumstances, etc. they make It is difficult to have enough time to create and strengthen a healthy emotional relationship with the child if it is not with the help of the family or close group. That is, physical needs may be being met but not emotional ones.

Being so busy with work, social networks and, in general, with daily tasks makes parents unable to really connect with their children. That is, there is a relationship devoid of emotional nourishment with the absence of attention, quality time, acceptance, or words of esteem on the part of the parents.

A distant, cold or inaccessible relationship causes the child to lack the fundamental pillar to grow emotionally. The absence of this relationship can have important consequences in the development of the child such as:

- Feeling of rejection. The child considers that he does not receive what he needs from the attachment figure and feels angry, betrayed, disappointed and alone.

- Nutrition problems. The way you express that you feel lonely is by stopping eating.

- Health problems. Studies show that emotionally deprived children get sick regularly.

- Risk behaviors in children for draw attention.

- Lack of motivation in what it does.

- Affective dependence. You have not learned the social skills necessary to solve your problems.

- Low self-esteem.

- Communication deficiency. The child cries and uses tantrums continually to ask for what he thinks he needs.

These problems are reflected in childhood but can last into adulthood. If this happens and it is problematic to lead a normal life, it is essential that you consult specialists for help.

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